


I Would Rather

by Jalec



Category: Shadowhunters, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Not meant to be platonic but there's no actual relationship, jalec - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6526366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jalec/pseuds/Jalec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on the wedding, from a Jalec POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Rather

**Author's Note:**

> edit: I realise this version has a lot of mistakes but I will not be fixing them, as I did originally plan to re-write this, but don't know if that will be happening now.
> 
> \----
> 
> Short, 1AM rambles, so please forgive any mistakes.
> 
> I really want to write a more fleshed out version of this, but until I get the time, this will have to suffice.

Jace stood in place, fixed to the same spot next to the marriage rune slab. Though Alec had his back to his parabatai, Jace's gaze was well fixed on Alec, maybe on the back of his collar, or the curly wisps of dark, gelled hair, or the tightness of the white coat being pulled over his back and shoulders, but resolutely on Alec.

Alec's eyes scoured nothing in particular, but they darted between the audience to the side of him, the entrance to the chapel, the dark walls and glass all around decorated with runes. He fiddled with his fingers, wringing them out like wet towels. They were more white than usual, and he was beginning to lose sensation in their tips.

Slowly, members of the Institute began to fill the remaining few seats of the chapel. There was also a number of unfamiliar faces present, but Alec and Jace both knew they were from Idris. Some, they had posited, were friends of the Branwells, others were Clave officials come to witness the ceremony.

In the front row sat Alec's parents, pristine in black and gold, the most hearty smiles on their faces that either of the parabatai had ever seen them wear. Whether it was because they approved of Alec's choice on more than a beneficiary level, such as for Lydia's strong character, it was unlikely.

Like in mundane marriages, the bride of a shadowhunter wedding was the last to enter the room. Though in this case, Lydia had no father present to walk her down the aisle. It was unnecessary, as shadowhunters understood that marriages were primarily for strategy, not love.

Isabelle entered when the last audience member had sat and immediately a hush of silence overcame the room. She carried a posey of flowers that matched the gold-white colours of her dress. She looked beautiful, and for the first time that morning, Alec smiled. She came and stood opposite to him, behind where Lydia would be. She herself couldn't muster a smile. All she could do was give a defeated look over Alec's shoulder to Jace—a look that said we failed.

I know. And I'll never forgive myself for it, was what his expression said to her.

There was silence for moments, but nobody seemed addled. Nobody looked around, or leant in to the person beside them to ask what was meant to happen next. All their eyes were firmly directed at the podium and the groom. Alec was the only exception to the rule as he continued to fidget, his head rocking from side to side as he looked around for anything.

A sharp intake of air from someone in the audience made Alec turn to look to the entrance, where he saw Lydia, dressed in an elegant, flowing rose gold dress, adorned with gold leaves and shimmering jewels. The feeling in the room seemed to become brighter as joyous gleams overcame the audience's faces when they laid eyes on her.

It was not real for Alec until that moment; what he was doing. That he was actually going through with it. What it meant.

Jace rested a hand on Alec's shoulder, feeling the fear exuding from every part of his parabatai.

"Are you going to be okay, buddy?"

"I—," Alec started, but was cut off when Lydia stepped up onto the platform in front of him and he lost his words. Not because he was so awe inspired, but because every fibre of his being felt betrayed by his decision and would not cooperate.

"Alec," said Lydia. She was elated, the biggest smile on her face giving away the fact that she was legitimately happy.

"Let us begin," bellowed the Silent Brother beside the slab.

Lydia maintained her copacetic character throughout the entirety of the Brother's spiel. Every so often she would look over at Alec and dip her head, or giggle slightly. Alec could not reciprocate, and merely glanced at her as he continued to fight himself for every breath.

Slowly, everything that the hooded Brother said began to meld into a dull ring in Alec's ears. The air around him became heavy, and he wanted to fall down like someone had kicked the back of the knee.

Jace and Isabelle looked on, feeling every ounce of dread that Alec felt, but tenfold as they were not dampened by anxiety like the groom was in that moment. Their parents were also transfixed, but in the complete opposite state to Jace and Isabelle.

Only when the Silent Brother moved to present to Lydia a stele did Alec snap out of his haze.

"A rune on the hand, a rune on the heart," said the Brother.

Lydia took the stele from his boney hands. The next step was to use it to take the rune from the slab and draw it onto Alec, then for him to do the same to her.

It was unconscious, but Jace cleared his throat at that moment and puffed out his torso. Lydia looked through Alec to him, not entirely in a warning manner, but not entirely kindly either. Jace didn't return the favour—he didn't have any reason to like Lydia up until that point. Even if she did not know what Jace knew, she knew that Alec was not committed to the marriage, despite his proposal. Jace only looked at Alec.

The dark-haired boy, for that was really all he was, a boy, could barely outstretch his hand for the rune to be drawn. He was petrified.

It was not the bond that Jace and Alec had that enabled the former to tell that Alec was regretting his decision wholeheartedly and unequivocally in that moment; that for the first time since his proposal, Alec believed himself that this was not the right thing to do for himself, and that mattered, because he himself did deserve happiness, too. It was, rather, something in Alec's brown eyes. The fact that they looked not at Lydia, or to his mother or father, or even his sister, but into nothingness, like he hoped darkness would swallow him up, because surely that would be a fate much better than eternal unhappiness.

Jace felt like he had been punched in the gut. His eyes dropped in their sockets and began to water. He bit his lip and his head felt too heavy to hold up. It was in that moment that he knew, even though he did not love Alec how Alec loved him, he would rather give himself over to Alec than to let Alec than do this. Then, at least, his best friend—the person he would give anything for—could be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading if you managed to stick with it!


End file.
